


officer friendly

by jooheon



Category: Gintama
Genre: Underage Drinking, aka Kagura is 14 years old and disgustingly drunk, modern day AU, okita /looks/ at her some type of way but nothing more than that i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-22 08:35:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11963694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jooheon/pseuds/jooheon
Summary: Stuck on the graveyard shift of police patrols, Hijikata and Okita pick up a drunk Kagura and escort her home to her careless, white-haired guardian.





	officer friendly

**Author's Note:**

> An old WIP I shall likely never finish! Set in modern day Shinjuku. Please excuse any inaccuracies re: Japanese police officers, because zero research went into this and likely I've gotten some things wrong.

Being a rookie cop, Hijikata thinks moodily, sucks.

First of all, it's three in the morning. That alone is enough to piss him off, because he's on this shift until six, and by the time he gets home it'll be completely light out and, with his blinds being as flimsy as they are, he'll be lucky to get even four hours of restful sleep before nightfall, when he'll have to get ready for work again.

Second, his partner is Okita. Spending any extended period of time riding around in a cop car with Okita is like riding around with a murderous ex-con who totally has it out for you because you may or may not have slept with his sister, the only difference between Okita and the ex-con being that Okita would never be stupid enough to land himself in jail for something like murder. He'd kill you and get away with it without breaking a sweat. And he'd wear that smug, innocent look all the while. Bastard.

Third and most pressingly, there is a very drunk and very belligerent girl sprawled out across the backseat of the car. Normally, a girl this drunk, Hijikata'd haul her straight back to the station, particularly because when they'd picked her up she'd been casually vandalizing a park bench. Specifically, she'd been ripping it from its foundations, although God knew where she'd gotten the strength, because she was just a slip of a thing, lithe and bony and about half Hijikata's size. And he'd had trouble shoving the bench back into place. If she was that strong, it only made sense to lock her up and keep her off the streets.

But after they'd wrestled her into the backseat – a considerable feat in itself, and one that earned Hijikata at least four bruises beneath his uniform – Okita plucked her wallet from her pocket in search of some form of identification and came up with not a driver's license, but a school ID.

A middle school ID.

"Sakata Kagura, eh?" Okita drawls now, twisting around to level the girl with an unimpressed stare. "You know, it'll stunt your growth if you become an alcoholic at age thirteen."

"I'm fourteen," the girl shoots back, her piercing blue eyes narrowed in defiance. "And screw you, babyface rookie, one more condescending remark and I'll puke all over the backseat of your stinking cop car."

Okita turns back to face front. "Start the car, Hijikata. Let's take her to the bridge and toss her into the river."

"Not happening." Hijikata doesn't move the key in the ignition, rests his hand on the steering wheel. "Miss Sakata, we have to get you home. What's your address?"

"You're not gonna throw me in jail?" she retorts. "Come on, do your worst, pigs."

"Keep saying that," Okita says without turning around. "I'll show you my worst, and you'll be sorry."

"We're not throwing you in jail," Hijikata says, focusing very hard on keeping an even temper. It's an anger management technique they'd taught him at the police academy after one too many brawls with his fellow students: breathe in, gather all violent instincts, breathe out, release them. "You're incredibly underage, so we're letting you off with a warning. But we are going to have a word with your folks. So I'll ask again: what's your address?"

"I live in the sixth district," she replies sullenly, "by the culture center. Sunrise Heights, apartment 305."

"Okay," Hijikata says, starting the car. "That's not too far."

They drive in silence for a while. Chatting up people in his backseat isn't something Hijikata does, not ever. He checks on her in his rearview mirror every once in a while to make sure she isn't going to make good her threat to contaminate the car with vomit, but other than that, he and Okita largely ignore her. 

At one point he glances into his mirror only to discover with a start that the head of unruly red hair has disappeared. Alarmed, he barks, "Okita! Where'd she go?"

Okita peers into the backseat. "Relax, she's just lying down. Probably passed out."

"Oh." Hijikata scowls. "Jesus. Teenagers."

"Yeah," Okita says. He's still twisted around, looking at the girl. "Although, she's pretty well developed for fourteen…"

"Stop," Hijikata commands. 

"I was kidding," Okita says, relaxing into his seat. "Kind of."

"Don't even joke about disgusting shit like that," Hijikata says, digging through his pocket for a cigarette. He perches it between his lips, but Okita promptly snatches it away and throws it out the window.

"No smoking on the job," he says. "You're the disgusting one."

"Fuck you," Hijikata mutters. He realizes he doesn't even have a lighter, but still. "Littering is illegal."

Okita shrugs. "Yeah, and it should be illegal to let lawless punks like you become police officers, but somehow, here you are."

"Like you're one to talk!" Hijikata snaps. Pauses. Collects himself with a few deep breaths. "Anyway. We're almost there."

"Lovely," Okita yawns, "I'm looking forward to meeting the parents of that delightful girl."

As it turns out, she doesn't have "parents," but one "parent," or rather, one guardian, a tired-looking white-haired man whose eyes are mostly shut when he steps out to meet them in the hallway.

"Drunk?" he says, his voice a lilting drawl. "She was drunk, you say? Are you sure she wasn't just on a sugar high?"

"She is definitely drunk," Hijikata says firmly, gesturing at the poor, half-awake girl propped on Okita's shoulders. "And she was damaging public property."

"Oi, Kagura," the man calls. "You went drinking without me?"

"I'm sorry, Gin-chan," the girl – Kagura – slurs. "But there was a party."

The man sighs. "Fine. I'll let it go this once."

"Hey!" Hijikata snaps, annoyed. "You’ll let it go? She’s fourteen! Is this really how you raise your daughter?"

"Daughter?" The man's lips quirk into half an amused smile. "Do I look old enough to be her dad? Ahh, I guess I am getting closer and closer to thirty…"

In truth, he doesn't look like he could be anyone's dad. At once well-built and lean, the man has a youthful, rigorous body that's somehow at odds with the slump of his posture, the apathetically careless look on his face, the messy, uncared-for locks of thick, silver hair on his head. He's wearing only a T-shirt and boxers, and when he reaches up to scratch his head, the fabric of his shirt rides up to reveal a flash of muscled abdomen, a trail of dark hair. Hijikata abruptly looks away.

"Well – regardless," he says, swallowing. "You're her guardian?"

"Yeah." The man crosses his arms. "Sakata Gintoki. And you are?"

"Officer Hijikata Toushirou," Hijikata says, just as Okita replies in a sinister voice, "Your worst nightmare."

Gintoki blinks. 

"He didn't mean that," Hijikata says hastily. "Uh, we're really just here to bring back your – uh – Kagura, so. Here she is. And please try to keep her from getting drunk like this again, it's dangerous to her and others."

"Sure thing, officer," Gintoki says with a vague salute. "Thanks for bringing her back."

"It's been fun," Okita tells the redhead as he hands her off to Gintoki, "but if we catch you doing that again, don't think we'll let you off this easy."

"Whatever," Kagura mumbles, sticking her tongue out sourly at him.

Okita sticks his out right back. Hijikata sighs. 

He hates being a rookie cop.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally just the setup to a ginhiji story, but as you can see I never got around to actually writing that part lol! So I didn't feel comfortable tagging it as such. But maybe someday!  
> (but probably not)


End file.
